ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
