Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
