My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
