The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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