She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
