the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
