I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
