we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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