She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
