I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
