you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
