party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
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Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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