I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
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Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
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You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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