i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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