Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
