Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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