Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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