but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
