she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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