I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
