He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
