Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
