If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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