We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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