i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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