eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
