I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
