He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
