that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize