Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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