4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
