My pussy is not your playground.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
