fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
