If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
