Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
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It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
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I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize