Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
