have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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