i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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