when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
