I just made out with a guy for $7.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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