Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Randomize
