The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
