That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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