She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
