I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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