hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize