at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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