i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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