Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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