omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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