my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
