Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
