I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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