Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
