i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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