You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
