i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
