He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
