Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He better not be in your backpack
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
