He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
