so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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