marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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