youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
