its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
