If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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