He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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