A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
