literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
