Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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