i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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