My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
