The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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